Remorse
by jteam6920
Summary: Shaw is updated by the Machine about what had happened, and the disagreement between Finch and Root; and about his choices and his mistakes, and his role in Root's death. And now she is really, really angry.


Harold Finch had left the hospital, where his gunshot wound had been properly treated. He knew that Samaritan was not a danger anymore, and the Machine was out of commission too. He also knew that John and Root were dead, while he was unsure about Shaw and Fusco.

But now, all he cared about was to go and find Grace; but to do that he needed to gather information; so he went to the subway hideout.

He was surprised to see that the subway car had disappeared, and there were debris everywhere; well, none of his business anymore.

He went to collect what he needed, an external hard drive and a laptop, but suddenly he froze, hearing a familiar voice.

"I am alive, Finch, thanks for asking!"

He turned around "Miss Shaw … I am glad you are here."

"Really? Then why are you so scared?"

He gasped "I … I am not scared; only surprised to find you here, that's all."

"Yeah … and why aren't you curious to know if Lionel made it too? No, don't tell me, I get it: you despised him so much that you kept him in the dark for so long; it's only fitting that you don' give a damn about his fate."

Finch stiffened "I assure you, that's not true. I only wanted to protect him."

"Of course. You wanted to protect him so much that you are still uncaring about him."

Finch blinked "How is he?"

"Got a stab wound, but will survive; you didn't succeed in killing him too. Or me."

"What … what do you mean?"

"Oh … I was referring to Elias, John and Root, who else?"

Finch was choking "Are you saying I am responsible for those deaths?"

"Me? No! You said that! You admitted that your moralistic rules killed your friends!"

"When did I … ?"

"When? 'I believed that playing by my rules eventually I would win, but I was wrong, wasn't I? And now all the people I cared about are dead, or will be dead soon enough' … Do you remember saying that?"

"How do you … ?"

"The Machine is back, and She speaks to me. Using her voice. That's why I didn't ask you about John, by the way. Because I already knew, not because I don't care. And She informed me about a lot of stuff. I put it together with things Reese and Root told me, and now I have a clear picture of everything that happened."

"Oh, how fortunate … "

"Stop it, jackass!"

Finch froze, getting paler, and Shaw went on. "You are saying you didn't know this would be the outcome? Really?"

Very slowly, very carefully, Finch nodded, and Shaw snickered, bitterly "Remember this talk? 'We are gonna lose, you know that. We have the most powerful ally in the world, but you are too high-minded to let Her help us, so we are gonna end up the most principled corpses in Potter's field', she said … 'We stayed alive, so far', you answered … 'We are not living, we are surviving. We're human. Eventually we'll make a mistake and She'll die too' … I am sure you know who said that. And, of course, who would be the moron who made that mistake? You!

And the funny thing is that the open system had just helped in stopping an epidemic, and you recognized that, didn't you? But of course your stubbornness prevailed in the end."

"I am so sorry … "

"Do you think that's enough for me?"

"Listen, Miss Shaw, obviously Miss Groves was right, but how could I know back then?"

"How? Simple, you should have listened to her because she used to be right, and you used to be wrong, since a long time!"

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it? Do you remember when you locked her in a cage? When I asked you to let her help in our little fight against HR? You didn't listen, and Joss Carter died."

Finch objected "There is no proof that Carter would have survived if Root had helped."

"I guess we will never know, huh? The only sure thing is that you didn't enlist her, and Carter died! And John would have died too, but luckily I managed to make you reason, that time."

"Root was dangerous, don't forget that!"

"Of course she was; indeed, after she helped rescue John, she was so dangerous that she let you lock her up again. But you learned from this, didn't you? She proved herself trustworthy, so when Claypool was threatened, you kept her in the cage … you idiot!"

"I … I was afraid."

"Yeah, luckily she escaped and saved my ass … and yours. Control was about to kill me, remember? But she couldn't help in destroying the Samaritan drives, since she was a bit tortured in that moment."

"Yes, I admit that I was wrong."

"Again! You were wrong, again, Finch! But you consider yourself too intelligent, too superior to the rest of us poor mortals, so you are bound to repeat your mistakes, as you can't learn from them."

"I didn't make other mistakes, after that!" Finch protested.

"Of course not. In fact, you allowed Samaritan to thrive, refusing to kill the Congressman. And after that you held the Machine responsible."

"That was not a mistake. Murder can never be condoned!"

"Really? So, who said 'If they harm Grace kill them all'?"

"It … was me, but I was upset … "

"Yeah, our great leader was upset, therefore you can't kill a crooked politician to save the world, but you get a free pass to kill some goons in order to avenge your girlfriend!"

"Oh … what can I say?"

"Nothing, you already said too much. Murder is inexcusable, you said; a pity that you set 600 inmates free along with you, and seventeen people were killed as a result; murdered; their deaths are on you too."

"I am sorry … "

"You already said that. As far as I am concerned, you can shove your sorrow up your ass!"

The man flinched at the swearing, but the woman continued "Remember your discussion with Root about the Machine, if She cares for us or not? Who was right then, you or Root?"

Finch sighed "Root, of course."

"And when Root thought I was alive and you left me for dead, who was right, you or Root?"

"Root, again, but … "

"And when Root and John told you that that Thompson, in Maple, knew something, and you believed she was a poor innocent woman, who was right?"

"Please, Miss Shaw … "

"And when Root told you it was time to recruit other assets, and you disagreed, who was right, considering that the Machine did recruit them and they saved our asses in Washington? And when you saw the baby Machine losing billions of times against baby Samaritan, yet you insisted not to give Her the means to defend herself? When you told Reese it was too risky going to help Root, and luckily he went anyway? Can't you see what kind of an absolute idiot you have been?" Shaw was shouting now.

"I … I … "

"And when Root asked you to tell Fusco about the Machine, after he had found those bodies in the tunnel, and you didn't even think of it, who was right, you or Root?"

Finch didn't answer this time, he only looked down.

"And when Root told you we were all going to lose, and die, if you closed the system and didn't allow the Machine to help in this war, who was right? She was, of course, but you already knew that, didn't you? She had proved you wrong so many times before that you must have known she was right this time too!"

Again, Finch stayed silent, and Shaw continued.

"But this bothered you, obviously; you were used to always be the smartest guy in the room, and when she showed that the opposite was true, you resented her … you lousy sanctimonious rat, always looking other people down from your high moral ground … "

"Miss Shaw … "

She abruptly changed subject "I killed Jeff Blackwell, the man who pulled the trigger. What do you think?"

"I … I understand you were angry."

"Of course I was angry: he killed the only person I could ever love; but he was only a henchman, maybe I missed the real target."

"The … real target?"

"Yes, the man actually responsible for her death; can you guess who this guy is?" Shaw said, drawing a gun out of her pocket.

Finch choked and paled.

"Our leader! The General who sends his troops to the battle, but deprives them of what is needed to win, their best weapons! But yeah, why not, he isn't the one that risks his life … "

"I … I risked my life too."

" … and if that happens, there is always someone ready to take the bullet meant for him: Elias, Root, Reese."

"They made their choice."

"Yes, they worshipped you, but maybe they didn't know you were going to treat them as cannon fodder."

"No, no, I … "

"And now, I have to make a choice too. Should I kill you? Should I spare your life?"

"Please, don't … you would regret this forever."

"This is where you are wrong. There is only one thing I will ever regret: that I didn't tell Root how much I loved her; killing you? I won't even flinch." She aimed the gun on him.

He was bracing himself for the bullet's impact, but she lowered her gun. "But I won't kill you, Finch. Do you know why?"

He didn't answer; his breath was labored.

"First reason: I don't kill teammates; I am not like you, apparently … "

"I didn't kill my friends … "

"You let them die, not allowing them to defend themselves; It's the same to me … second reason: those people you sent to Potter's field would resent me for killing you. And third and most important, I know you are a good man, with a conscience. You did help a lot of people, including me, John, Elias … Root."

He shyly nodded, and Shaw continued.

"Then you began to think too high of yourself, as if you always had the right answers: both your intelligence and your ethics were in the stratosphere … "

"That's not true, I … "

"Did you ever recognize your mistakes in front of Root? 'You were right, Miss Groves, I should have let you help with Carter, John, Claypool, you were right, Miss Groves, the Machine cares for us, you were right, Miss Groves, Shaw was alive, you were right, Miss Groves, I should have told Fusco about the Machine much earlier … you were right, Miss Groves, my moral bigotry has killed you … ' Did you ever? Of course not, your ego couldn't allow that! And now, you have booked a flight that will lead you to your happiness, while my happiness is gone forever! Jesus, they even stole her body! "

Gasping and obviously unable to think straight, Finch uttered the worst possible line: "She made mistakes too!"

"Of course she did; the biggest one being what? Taking a bullet for you, that's what! For that one, I will never forgive her … nor you."

Finch stayed silent, tears welling in his eyes.

"You told her once that what matters is not where you begin, but where you end up; well, she ended up a fucking hero; so did Reese; and Carter; and you? How did you end up? She believed in this, freeing the world from that dictatorship of Samaritan, but you didn't. Why didn't you use that virus Ice-9 earlier? You needed her death, before … " Her voice was shaken, her eyes watery.

She let a minute pass before concluding and turning around to leave "But the main reason I don't put a bullet between your eyes is that I am sure the remorse you are going to feel for every second of your life will eat you alive!"

And the trembling, weeping man named Harold Finch saw her get away.


End file.
